It appears or so it seems that there must be a relationship problem in every relationship. This is one aspect in relationship that very many people pray they will never experience. But be sure and understand that the only place where relationship problems will not occur is a place where there is no relationship at all. No matter how small or casual a relationship looks like, there are problems associated with it. The earlier you learn this truth the more prepared you would be when these problems arise. Most times while we find it difficult to get along again with our partner after having a relationship problem is because often than not we don’t prepare for them before they come. Actually nobody ever wishes to experience any problem in his or her relationship but we can never no matter how we try run away from relationship problems. While I want this stuck in your head is for you to understand that it is not a strange thing for you to be passing through this kind of relationship problems. Have you heard of the saying that says that “what goes for the duck is also good for the geese” meaning that somebody somewhere is also having a serious challenge in his or her own relationship. You see, you are not alone on this side of the ship. Yes there are some persons whose relationship problems are more terrible than the one you might be thinking that you have. So my dear relationship problems are actually one of the features of relationship. Though you are free to pray not to have these problems at all but my candid advice is that you should create a room for it in your heart. i don’t mean you should harbour or create problems for yourself, but to know what to do when it eventually comes. This will enhance you with the utmost wisdom you will need to handle the situation maturely. Don’t worry, no matter what it is, it will soon wear out like the snow when the sun smiles.

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
Now, having understood that relationship problems are part of the ways of a relationship. Let’s now look at reasons why a relationship would always have challenges. There are lots of relationship problems scattered all over the world. So it will be very difficult trying to enumerate all the relationship problems and what causes them. But I will try and see how best you will be helped in discovering those things you must have neglected that are trying to cost you your relationship. It is until you discover the cause of your problem you may not exactly know how to handle them.

There is another fact I would want to make you understand. Sometimes when people start having problem in their relationship, they more often than not exonerate themselves from being the cause of the relationship problem, they only see a greater percentage of the problem in the other person. Let me share with you some pivot reasons why most relationship have problems. Perhaps you would have a deeper understanding of your situation.

LACK OF UNDERSTANDING
This is one of the millions and billions of reasons while people are having relationship problems. Before you can walk or work with anybody, there must be a sense of understanding. Because you have refused to understand your partner, wife children, parent, siblings, friends, etc. that is why it looks as if the issue you are having now would not be resolved. What does it mean to understand? It means that both of you or all of you that are involved in the relationship are seeing things from different angles. When you say cheese and your partner says nuts, I don’t think that there is any agreement at all. If you look critically into the relationship problems you are having now, you will discover that you are lacking understanding or rather you are refusing to understand and agree about some matters with your partner. Most times when you disagree, you will hardly see your own mistakes that contributed to your relationship problem, all that your eyes will be opened to is the faults and problems caused by your partner or spouse. It is also the same in his or her own side.

TOLERANCE
Tolerance simply means being able accommodate, being able to condone no matter what. Are you so disciplined that you don’t take shit from anybody? Are you so careful that you don’t want to accommodate any weakling in your life or business? How about your idiosyncrasy? Maybe you are a perfectionist at several points? These are some of the things that can engineer lack of tolerance in your relationship and where there is no tolerance there must be a lot relationship problems. It is as simple as that, when there is no tolerance, relationship problems settle as fast as they could. This issue of lack of tolerance has shipwrecked and sunk a lot of relationships. I do hope dear that you will not have to tell stories about that. How do you handle it you asked? Don’t worry we shall deal with it shortly but let’s look at another point that causes relationship problems.

EVIL COMPANY
Show me your friend and I will tell you exactly who you are and what you are capable of. Sixty percent of relationship problems encountered today are caused by wrong and evil advices gotten from friends. Do you want to solve your relationship problems? Then check out who are your best pals and how they have influenced your life. If you have not considered them worthwhile, I strongly suggest that you run away from them; especially those that will always advice you on how not to reconcile with your partner, those that will want the relationship problem that you are having to linger more than it is supposed to be. Do you read the bible? Then look at 1st Corinthians 15:32. It reports that evil company corrupts good manner. Be wise dear!

LACK OF MONEY
Once, a teenage girl said, “How can a relationship be sweet when there is no money.” Money of course brings a lot of good moments into a relationship, in the house, family, company, etc. but that does not mean that it is what matters most. Maybe you are the type that cannot endure hardship. Probably because there is no more money, you are now causing lots of problems between you and your spouse, parents, friends, etc. this is tragic! Some wives divorced their husbands because he is no longer bringing much money to the house again, I am pretty sure that you are not among that category. If you are then there is an urgent need for you to retrace your steps now. Let us try and see how we are going to handle these issues.

HANDLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
I am going to briefly look at these points that I raised above so that we can start from there. If you want to be free from any relationship problems, then you must know how to be a man of understanding. Don’t always be the right person but consider your partner in every and any matter or issue. Now let me tell you what happens when you misunderstand, you seem to exaggerate and compound your partner’s blunder with respect to what is causing the relationship problem. You can hardly see your flaws and mistakes; all blames will be channeled to him or her.

For you to understand you must be able to listen and be patient with him or her. You must learn to appreciate his or her input in the relationship and also encourage him even when it seems that his best does not satisfy you. Always remember that it takes two to agree, so when you don’t agree there may never be a remedy for your relationship problem.

You must learn how to accommodate his or her weaknesses, some men are very fond of pointing out other persons mistakes rather than their strength, this will only generate strife and compound your relationship problem. No man is perfect including you. There were times people tolerated your own flaws and mistakes and they accommodated you, they did not quarantine you nor raised dust over your head. Make room for your spouse mistakes; discipline yourself as to condone his or her weakness until the desired change is seen. This will make you to facilitate the help you give to him and you will never find yourself in a position of capitalizing on his or her mistakes to make relationship problems where they don’t really exist.

Be careful about the company you keep. Be watchful over those you can proudly present as your friends. They, to a large extent determine your actions and your decisions. Have you realized that some characters are contagious? Maybe you are not keeping late nights but now you enjoy it. Was not a suggestion from a pal or a life style of one of your good pals? Quit evil company and communication and deal with your relationship problems so as to enjoy your relationship.

Do you have money please don’t squander it, spend it wisely. But if you don’t have, please do not go stealing. Be patient and work hard money will still come. Do not base the happiness of your relationship on money so that its absence will not cause any relationship problems. Both or all of you should put your heads and hands together and then sooner than you are expecting it, money woul

Is ‘sexting’ more common than we believe or are these research studies just turning up coincidences with this type of behavior? Emily Stasko, at Drexel’s University in Philadelphia, surveyed 870 heterosexual individuals and found that more ‘sexting’ was associated with a higher level of sexual satisfaction. 2

These are just two studies, you might say, and don’t represent the population at large. Well, another way to look at this is that technology is something that most people (in larger cities or suburban areas) concentrate on daily. People are very involved with social media on mobile phones, computers & tablets. They are using these social media applications for various reasons (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Tumblr, Vine, Snapchat, etc). Is there any reason to think, even for a minute, that people are not using technology to date or enhance their present relationships? People all over the country (and the world) have access to texting/messaging, social media, and video chatting (Facetime, Viper, etc.). It is extremely easy to use any of these modalities in the context of a relationship.

So how do people view ‘sexting?

The problem is that not everyone defines ‘sexting’ the same way. Is it the sending of sexually explicit or provocative messages? Is it primarily the sending of sexual images? Some people see it as one, the other or even as both. This has been unclear because there have been various opinions about the subject. ‘Sexting’ may not be limited to just messaging but could also include the use of Twitter, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, as well as, other social media platforms. This could also mean sending sexually explicit video or showing nude body parts while video conferencing. This complicates matters even more and broadens the current definition.

Most people have really warmed up to the idea of ‘sexting’ and according to the research, previously cited, a very high number of people have engaged (and continue to engage) in this behavior. These research studies and surveys have focused on how ‘sexting’ can improve relationships and rekindled sex lives. However, there is a darker side as well. This article focuses on those individuals that use ‘sexting’ as a way of seeking excitement, sex, and/or attention outside of their present relationship. The lines are sometimes blurred with regards to virtual or internet relationships because they are not viewed as being “real.”

Is ‘Sexting’ outside of a relationship considered cheating?

That is a good question. We already know that ‘sexting’ or sending these sexually provocative messages can really enhance a committed relationship. However, what happens when people send these types of messages outside of a committed relationship? How is ‘sexting’ viewed among the general population?

“A 2013 Huffington Post article of 1,000 U.S. adults found that 85 percent of women and 74 percent of men consider ‘sexting’ a form of cheating.” 1

‘Sexting’ outside a relationship can be exciting especially for those individuals that are looking for ‘that extra something’ in their lives. Perhaps these individuals love their spouses or partners but seem to have ‘lost’ the passion or excitement in their relationship. For other individuals, maybe they are looking to find someone else online or in a virtual sense (i.e. via texting, online websites or other media) that they can flirt with and is considered “safe.” That could fall into the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence” scenario. A person may be very happy or mostly satisfied with their partner but think that they might be able to find something better outside their relationship.

Other scenarios could include men or women that seem to feel as if they are invisible to their partners or spouses due to over demanding careers, children, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism, etc. These individuals may find that through ‘sexting’ with a 3rd party that they can feel loved, desired and even sexy. It is through this media (and possibly other reasons) that people justify their actions and tell themselves that they are not cheating because there is no physical relationship.

Is this behavior wrong? Is it cheating? There are various reasons why an individual may decide to engage in ‘sexting’ outside of his/her relationship but what is the intention exactly? Some people may believe that due to the virtual nature of ‘sexting’ that it isn’t necessarily wrong. ‘Sexting’ doesn’t have to involve physical contact and it could just be chalked down to a simple fantasy (or something that they don’t intend to pursue). It may have started as something very innocuous (like work-related messages sent to a colleague, coworker or fellow student) but then it moved forward to a more sexual type of relationship.

However if a person is deleting texts, hiding cell phone bills, or being secretive about this virtual relationship then it seems that he/she has become more involved with someone other than a spouse or partner. This person is now thinking about another person, sending pictures to that person, and possibly wishing he/she could spend time with that other person. If we are looking at the health of a marriage or relationship, any time someone else becomes involved, that health has now been compromised. We could also argue that the commitment toward the relationship or marriage has waned because of the 3rd party that is now part of the equation.

Case Examples:

Maria and Thomas (not their real names) have been married for 3 years but have been together for about 12 years. Thomas had been dealing with anxiety issues for his whole life but had developed a drinking habit to numb the intense feelings that he dealt with on a daily basis. This drinking problem had become so bad where Maria had found him passed out on the couch a few times after work and he spent a good amount of time drinking with colleagues. This situation caused her to feel very detached and distrustful of Thomas. She didn’t feel as if Thomas loved or desired her and that his drinking had become his new relationship. Maria decided to contact a former male friend from school with which she began a ‘sexting’ relationship. She never sent any sexually explicit photos of herself to this other person but the messages they shared were very provocative.

Maria never had any intentions of actually cheating on Thomas but she just felt lonely and unattractive. She sought companionship with someone that showed interest in her and chose to continue this ‘sexting’ relationship for a couple of months. She mentioned that this person made her feel sexy and desirable. She also felt good that someone was interested in her and although this person requested to meet her in person, she never did. Maria had some guilt that she was busy sending messages to someone other than her husband yet she continued. She got so frustrated with Thomas that she even ‘sexted’ this friend of hers while her husband was next to her on the couch.

Now, although this behavior of Maria’s was not having a physical affair it was an emotional affair. Maria was tired of trying to get through to her husband about his drinking and lack of interest in her. She spent a good amount of time looking for affection outside her relationship because her husband was not available to her. When Thomas found out about this ‘sexting’ relationship that Maria had started, he was devastated that she would do such a thing.

Maria made the decision to seek therapy to discuss her concerns and disappointment in herself and her relationship. Obviously she realized that while her marriage was not in the best state that she needed help to put things into perspective. After a few sessions, Maria wanted to bring her husband to join in the sessions. These sessions were spent having both of them discuss their feelings and how they were each disappointed with one another. Maria was able to discuss how she felt undesirable and lonely while Thomas received validation for his anxiety issues. Thomas was confronted for his alcohol abuse and how that was affecting their relationship. This couple was able to communicate, forgive each other and move forward.

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A second couple, Julio and Gabrielle (not their real names) were not so lucky. Julio started ‘sexting’ with another woman he met online just after the birth of his daughter. He had been unhappy with Gabrielle for some time however just didn’t know how to communicate his feelings. He had come from a family in which communicating feelings was highly discouraged. So while his wife was pregnant and tired a good portion of the time, Julio was online looking for some attention.

At first, things were very mild. He sent a few texts here and there just looking to see if other women were interested. However, once his daughter was born, Julio spent a lot of time on his phone. He ‘sexted’ with a particular woman with whom he had a connection at work and in the car. He also deleted all of the messages because he didn’t want his wife to become suspicious or to find them ‘by accident.’ So he was able to keep up this front for some time…a good 6 months.

However, one day he wasn’t so careful. Julio forgot to delete some messages and his wife looked at his phone while she was up in the middle of the night feeding the baby. She was appalled and devastated at what she found. Gabrielle chose not to say anything right away because she wanted to see if she could catch him or get him to admit to this behavior. And one day she was able to do just that. She found him in the bathroom taking pictures of his genitals and sending the pictures & messages. She confronted him on the spot and but he denied ever meeting up with this woman. Gabrielle realized that they needed some serious help and sought therapy.

She communicated that she loved Julio and wanted to keep their marriage intact but was not going to accept this type of behavior from him. Julio was able to finally, after some encouragement, to communicate that he had been unhappy with Gabrielle for years. He stated that he only married her because she had become pregnant with his daughter but he didn’t feel that the two of them were very compatible. She also found out in therapy that Julio had lied about meeting up with the woman that he was sending messages to and that they had been dating. It was at this point that Gabrielle and Julio decided to separate because their relationship was not reparable.

So what should you do?

If you have found yourself interested in finding attention outside your marriage or relationship, it is important to ask yourself some important questions.

What do you want to accomplish? What are your intentions? Have you found that you are not interested in maintaining your marriage or relationship? What is the reason you are trying to connect with someone else? Are you looking for some attention because you are not getting it at home? Are you seeking out something more exciting or compatible than your partner/spouse? Or is your relationship salvageable with the help of someone who can encourage better communication and engagement? Are you just looking to make you’re your partner/spouse jealous? These questions need to be answered before the relationship deteriorates past the point of no return.

If you decide that you are simply not interested in continuing with your present relationship, then some honest dialogue needs to occur with your spouse or partner. It is important to communicate your feelings and to allow this other person the opportunity to hear that the relationship is over. This allows your partner to start the process of grieving the relationship and eventually moving on. Hopefully, you are able to provide some support and compassion for your spouse or partner and allow for a more amicable separation.

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However if you have recently found out that your spouse or partner has been involved in a ‘sexting’ relationship, it is important for you to maintain composure. It is completely normal to have intense emotions regarding the situation however it will not help in the communication process. Please ask questions about this other relationship and find out about your partner’s intentions. It is important to know if your spouse or partner is interested in continuing with your relationship and ending the other one or not. It is helpful to have an objective 3rd party there to help both of you to determine in which direction you both want to travel.

Emotions will be high in either situation especially for the person that has just found out about this outside relationship. If you are too deeply hurt by your spouse or partner’s ‘sexting’ relationship to stay with him/her, then this must also be addressed. Each person deals with highly emotional situations in different ways. One couple might be able to communicate effectively even in difficult situations while another couple might not be able to be in the same room together. So it is important to know how your spouse or partner will react in this situation and find a way to come to a workable conclusion that best fits both of you.

Conclusion

Since ‘sexting’ has become such a popular activity among adults in monogamous relationships and with those that are dating based on the research provided in this article, it is important for everyone to be more knowledgeable regarding the topic. The research shows that ‘sexting’ can enhance a monogamous relationship. The case examples show two different scenarios that can ensue. If people are unhappy in their present relationship and choose to utilize ‘sexting’ to find excitement with another person, the end result could be relationship or marital dissolution.

Couples are encouraged to seek out help. A counselor, therapist or psychologist can help couples to find their way through this situation. If a relationship has been extensively damaged by ‘sexting’ (through which a physical relationship may or may not have begun), there are important feelings on both sides that need to be addressed. Depending on the desires of both people involved, these relationships can be saved but does take time to rebuild trust and confidence. Since most of these relationships consist of one (or both) persons seeking out someone else, it is vital to encourage verbal communication about the things that each person views is lacking in the relationship. Feelings need to be communicated and each partner or spouse needs to have the opportunity to express him/herself. Forgiveness plays a HUGE part in this type of situation. Each person has to ask him/herself if forgiveness is an option and if so, they can proceed toward creating a new relationship together. They can do this by spending time together and discussing how to satisfy each other’s needs. Only after these important issues have been brought up can the couple begin to move forward on a new path toward happiness.

References:

I’m going to toss a new wrinkle into the relationship building game. I want you to think about two words could have dramatic affect on your life and your income.

Those two words are “on purpose.”

What do you think might happen if you started creating new relationships on purpose? And what if you attached an immediate dollar amount value to each of those new relationships?

That’s what I did several years ago and my results have been nothing short of amazing. I know it might sound cold and calculating to think like this, but bear with me.

It all started one evening as I was doing an Internet business seminar for a local S.C.O.R.E. chapter. I was talking about how to increase the value of email in your business. I looked down and, by chance, in my materials, I had one of those thousand dollar bill bookmarks you can buy at your local bookstore. Hold one up and it looks just like a $1,000 bill.

I wanted to impact the audience on the importance of building their email list so I told them they should treat each email address as if someone just handed them a $1,000 bill and I held up that bookmark.

Then I said, ” How would you like to build One New Relationship A Day. And how many of those relationships would you like that each one puts an additional one thousand dollars in your pocket?”

The reaction was immediate. Some audience members sat up. Some smiled broadly. Many whom I thought was asleep began asking questions. What I had discovered was the value label I attached to their future relationships that could begin with an email dialog made sense to them. They no longer just saw an abstract email address. They saw potential income.

I knew I had stumbled on to something and so my little “on purpose” relationship income experiment began. I started thinking what would happen if I purposely viewed every email relationship I created as a potential income stream that was worth a minimum of one thousand dollars and worked toward that goal. Of course, I believed each one would have to be a win-win and without a doubt there had to be real value for both parties involved.

So, from that day forward, every time the phone would ring, when I met someone new, received a referral or an email request I began to feel the anticipation as if I had just earned another one thousand dollars. Some days I would make cold calls or go to places out of the blue with the intention of meeting just one person.

From then on I started each day knowing I was going to meet someone new and create another relationship on purpose. Some days the momentum is so great I created multiple new relationships with. It’s became quite remarkable. I started attracting more people who wanted to work with me and give me money. Imagine that.

At some point I begin to track daily the purposeful creation of these new relationships. With each one I had a short conversation to discover what they needed and how I might be able to help them. Each time, in the back of my mind, I knew we would each at some point put a thousand dollars or more into our respective pockets.

To help you better understand this concept let me familiarize you with two terms I created for my experiment. They are Relationship Value and Relationship Income.

Relationship Value and Relationship Income

RV is the abstract value that you place on a new relationship. RI is the actual income that comes to through new relationships you create on purpose.

I know not every relationship manifests into one thousand dollars in RI from a client or customer, but it doesn’t matter. I just know that each new relationship will eventually lead to one that does. So each new relationship actually increases my RV.

Every day it happens. It’s incredible to watch as one person leads to another. New situations that create new income. Each new relationship somehow puts RI or trackable relationship income into my pocket.

Now I know the idea of building new relationships is nothing new for you, but perhaps focusing your intention on purposely defining one new relationship a day is.

I personally define a “new relationship” as having that initial conversation that helps outline how the relationship will develop. For me those are usually phone calls that last about 20 minutes or an email dialog that goes beyond one or two emails. That’s enough time for me to realize what I need to do to begin the process with that new person.

I make a physical note of the day, how they came to me and the talking points from our initial conversation. I don’t do anything else. I just continue my day and move on to the next relationship if there are any more for that day.

What makes this concept so amazing is I’ve gone back through my tracking sheets to see the results of these new “on purpose” relationships. Over the last 18 months there has been a dramatic increase in my actual income, my resources and my business holdings. I can attribute much of it to my creating one new relationship a day on purpose.

Most of us have learned to understand the value of relationships, but until I started following the path and tracking new relationships I never realized how much control I had over the income that would come from “purposely focusing” on creating new relationships.

How much could this idea be worth?

Think about the value of this one idea and how it could impact your own income. You create one new relationship a day on purpose. Think of each one having real immediate value. You can apply whatever RV or Relationship Value you want. I use one thousand dollars and it continues to work well for me.

If you could build one new relationship for each day of the year you would have a relationship income of…

$365,000 per year

Let’s suppose you slipped up and only did this “on purpose” exercise every other day. That would give you…

$182,500 per year

Let’s further suppose that only 20% of those every other day new “on purpose” relationships had actual relationship value. You would still created an additional relationship income of…

$36,00 per year

We’re talking about an increase of real money for simply and easily creating one new relationship a day.

What happens when one of your “on purpose” relationship manifest greater value and much more income than you initially valued that relationship? Of course, your income increases. And it will happen and not just with one or two of your new relationships.

Some of my relationships have grown far beyond what I had originally intended. Some of these people I met “on purpose” have become friends and long-term, highly profitable clients. Others have provided additional business interests. For me the results of my “on purpose” experiment have been stunning.

One important thing to consider.

I know there are skeptics who will dismiss this entire idea. Others will think that purposely creating a relationship with someone solely for the purpose of extracting a thousand dollars or more from them is cold and wrong.

I don’t believe it is. I offer great value for the services I provide. This is simply a strategy for assisting us in meeting new people and identifying with whom we want to do business.

In business, don’t we concoct methods and strategies for marketing and selling our products and services? Aren’t we already thinking on purpose when we make a presentation or a proposal to prospective client? Don’t we have the goal in mind of selling that person on us and the product or service we’re offering? Of course. But most of us are not purposeful in our approach. We know we have something of value and we’re simply making that known to our potential customers and clients.

My concept of creating one new relationship a day is merely a purposeful strategy to insure that you continue to build viable and valuable relationships that will over time respond, realize and reciprocate for you in dutiful, purposeful business.

I don’t think of these new “on purpose” relationships as cold, hopeful introductions. I value every one of them. Like all of my relationships I do what makes sense and what’s right to earn their trust and their business.

Most, I’m happy and proud to say, have led a to fuller, richer business experience. Some have developed into strong, healthy personal relationships as well. Nearly each one has had far more monetary value for them than I purposely anticipated. And there are ones that have evolved into putting actual income for my business too.

I openly share this new spin on a crucial business building technique with you because I believe “relationship building” shouldn’t be passe in business. It’s a vital fact of business and the sooner you embrace a purposeful means to increase the amount of purposeful relationships in your life, the sooner you will realize a dramatic increase in your income.

Someone is destined to be my “New Relationship of the Day” today. Is it you? I inv

Does this person help me get over my last relationship that didn’t end well?
Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
Can this person provide me with what I require in a relationship? Is this person Mr./Ms. Right for me?
Can this person and I make our relationship work?
Do we as a couple help each other grow and develop (i.e., change) over time?
Sounds innocuous enough, right? Who wouldn’t want to know this about a new partner? Would you believe that violating the order in which you answer these questions can sabotage any hope of having a healthy, long-term relationship? Here’s why:
Sequence Matters! – The Five Foundation Relationships1

For your next relationship to succeed in the long term, it must go through several separate, sequential, and identifiable relationships. Skipping any one can derail your future happiness.

The five foundation relationships are: (1) Transition Relationship, (2) Recreational Relationship, (3) Pre-committed Relationship, (4) Committed Relationship, and (5) Marital Relationship. Skip or short-change one at your own peril.

Each of the five foundation relationships can be considered a separate relationship having a unique purpose and a specific underlying question that defines each stage, the answer to which will determine whether the relationship will move on the next stage of development or not. Done right, this is a marathon, not a sprint, and they must be done in sequence.

1. The Transition Relationship: Have I Removed My Ex from My Mind?

The first of these foundation relationships is the Transition Relationship.

This is a relationship you enter into either before your committed relationship ends in divorce, or shortly thereafter, for the purpose of easing the process of getting uncoupled. Its goal is to facilitate the uncoupling from your previous partner and re-experience validation.

The focus is on you as an individual and the driving question motivating this relationship is: “Can he/she help me get over my ex?”

You feel validated and hopeful for the first time in a long time. However, the good feelings can lead to this very common trap: you get so excited by finding someone who can give you what your ex could not or would not, that you conclude, “At long last I have finally found my soul mate!” No you haven’t. Not yet. You have only realized you can be hopeful that life without your ex can be enjoyable.

Some folks may already be uncoupled without any emotional baggage attached to their ex. They can move directly to the Recreational phase. However, others will use a transitional relationship to ease the breakup.

2. The Recreational Relationship: Does My Heart Soar When We’re Together?

The second foundation relationship we must master is the Recreational Relationship.

The purpose of the recreational relationship is to enjoy yourself and re-establish a sense of confidence and validation that are almost always lost in the divorce process. The goal is to have fun, feel good about yourself again, and re-establish your self-confidence in your social and dating skills.

The focus is on you as an individual and the driving question motivating this relationship is: “Do I enjoy myself when I am with him/her? Is he/she fun to be with?”

The most common trap at this stage is you feel so good when you are with your partner that you commit the cardinal sin of believing what our culture tells us when it says, “Follow your heart. If it feels good, it must be true love!” No it isn’t. Not yet. It’s just hormones and chemistry. You have only met someone you enjoy spending time with.

As a result, you will find yourself thinking about the future with your new friend and even talking to your friend about your future together. Don’t. You will not know if the two of you are a good fit for several more months at the earliest.

During the recreational phase of relationship a good rule to follow is the 6-1/6-4 Rule. This means for the first 6 months restrict your plans, thinking, and conversation topics with your partner to events 1 week in the future or less. Then for the next 6 months restrict your plans, thinking, and conversation topics with your partner to events 4 weeks in the future or less.

That is, for the first 6 months, look no further into the future than next week. And for the next six months, look no further into the future than one month. You have plenty of time to get it right. Use it. Really get to know each other.

3. The Pre-committed Relationship: My Head Must Be Heard, Too

The third foundation relationship we must master is the Pre-committed Relationship.

This one is the biggie simply because most people do not realize it exists or they think it violates the cultural dictum to “Follow your heart. You will just know if it is true love.”

In this relationship you undertake the serious intellectual work of determining if your basic requirements for a long-term relationship can be met. This stage of relationship is vitally important for long-term success and can last several months.

The purpose of the pre-committed relationship is to determine if someone is a “good fit.” This goes beyond is he/she fun to be with, and asks the crucial logical question, “Will a life with this person give me what I require in a long-term relationship?”

The focus is on you as an individual and the driving question motivating this relationship is: “Is this person Mr./Ms. Right for me? Is it possible to realize all my requirements in this relationship?”

Unless all your requirements can be met, your satisfaction with the relationship will be doomed.

4. The Committed Relationship: Pulling Together, Can We Make It Work?

The fourth foundation relationship we must master is the Committed Relationship.

At this stage in your relationship both partners believe their basic requirements can be met. The purpose of this stage is to figure out how they can make the relationship work, despite the differences and conflicts that exist in all relationships.

This is the first time the couple, working together, is given responsibility in the developing the relationship. Up until now, the issue has been up to the individuals to do the work separate and apart from their partner

The focus is on you as a couple and the driving question motivating this relationship is: “How can we make this work?”

5. The Marital Relationship: Can We Help Each Other Change and Develop?

The fifth and final foundation relationship we must master is the Marital Relationship.

Now that the relationship has matured to the point of making it public and formal, attention shifts to allowing and encouraging each partner to grow, develop, and change. People change, whether you expect them to or whether you want them to. To demand that your partner stay the same as when you met, is a guaranteed way to cause resentment, and a good bet that a broken relationship is in your future.

The purpose of this stage is to keep the relationship alive by encouraging growth and development.

The focus is on you as a couple and the driving question motivating this relationship is: “How can we help each other change and fulfill our dreams?”

So, What’s the Point?

We do not have to be a slave to pressure from our culture. There is an alternative to “listen to your heart” as a way of selecting your next committed relationship.

Treating relationship development as a process that encompasses each of the five foundation relationships snatches the control over your relationship future away from some imaginary roulette wheel in the sky and places it firmly in your grasp.

Now you can create the union you have always wanted without having to resort to myth, mystery, and luck.

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1 David Steele discusses recreational, pre-committed, committed, and marital relationships in his book: David Steele, Conscious Dating (Campbell, CA: RCN Press, 2008).

For a step-by-step program that guides you through the issues of forming new long-term, committed relationships in the life-after-divorce transition process, go to https://smoothdivorcerecovery.com/3482-2/ ‎

A more complete explanation of these five foundation relationships can be found in my blog at Smooth Divorce Recovery.

For an assessment of your current Divorce Recovery Stress Level, visit https://smoothdivorcerecovery.com/product/divorce-recovery-stress-inventory/

I help clients dramatically speed up their return to the mainstream of life with re

About Issues Bothering Rural Masses

The writings also talk of the power play that goes behind policy shortfalls at the Centre while neglecting the rural masses as a substantial part of the population. The current texts draw upon issues of the rural poor leading to farmer suicides – a burning topic throughout the developing nations. Mainly, the literature talks of ways through which agriculture can make an impact to bring farmers out of their miseries. Go to the South-Central part and you have to deal with the tyranny of moneylenders and repercussions of crop failures.

Dynastic Politics

Furthermore, the sensitive political fiction genre deals with dynastic politics as well as the pressure that drives young politicians to achieve success in the power circles. There is a lot to it when stories unravel the happenings that occur behind closed doors of the Parliament. The news becomes sensational if it is resulted from a sting operation or conversations secretly recorded in tapes. The topics range from the role played by corporate houses in the appointment of union ministers to the way such politicians survive their actions during communal riots.

Piling Debts and Sufferings of a Farmer

The fictional writing on politics and society touches upon aspects like the rural life dependent upon agriculture in the changing global world. In developing world, the sufferings of an individual farmer can be of great interest to the readers as it is a constant battle against odds every day. The discussions ripe in the political societies these days are that of farmer suicides triggered by successive crop failures and the piling burden of debt. Moreover, it is about what happens to family members who await compensation in the aftermath.

Corruption in Government Institutions

On the other side are people who stand up to bringing justice to the deceased. The two different worlds collide including those who fight against such inheritance of despair and those who wish to keep their inheritance of power. The idea behind such authors picking up pen is to raise voices against corruption rooted in all areas covering government and politics. The descriptions raise questions over the legitimacy of institutions of democracy and governance.

What unearths the corruption among politicians, also reveals the despair of the general population.

Poor or lack of communication. One way to connect with each other is for couples to have a strong and regular communication. Couples tend to drift apart due to poor or lack of communication. Many relation problems start with lack of communication. Assuming that you know what your partner or spouse is thinking is dangerous to your relationship. Misunderstandings and arguments are often the result of not communicating with your spouse or partner. If this is happening in your relationship then you should know that this is one of the reasons why relationships fail and you have to do something to improve the communication in your relationship.

Not supportive with each other’s goals, ambitions and careers. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the issues with careers and ambitions between couples. When two people in a relationship have different goals and ambitions and cannot compromise or support each other, the relationship may suffer in the end. It is given that two people naturally have different ambitions and careers to pursue but in a relationship, it is best to support each other’s interest or careers to avoid strain in the relationship. It is easier to make the relationship work with a partner or spouse who believes and supports their spouse’s or partner’s career. If 100% understanding, acceptance and support is not possible, at least a partner or spouse should be open to compromise and willing to find a work around to make both their careers and relationship work. Sacrifices and compromise is inevitable. Of course, both should know how to balance their careers with their love life. It is easier said than done but it is not impossible. There are couples who are both successful in their careers at the same time lead a happy and strong relationship.

Not getting along with your partner’s friends and family. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the conflict with people closest to your spouse or partner. Let’s face it, the world does not revolve around you and your partner alone. There are people around you like friends and families that both you and your partner cannot live without. Not getting along with people closest to your partner can put a strain in your relationship. A situation where you and your partner’s mother or best friend can’t see each other eye to eye or can’t stay in the same room can be really stressful in the relationship. Holiday dinners and family gatherings can be difficult if you are not in good terms with your spouse’s family and friends. If you want to create a long-lasting relationship with your partner, it is best to get along with people important to him or her.

Life’s issues and baggage. There are life’s baggage and issues when brought to a relationship can cause damage. A lingering ex can ignite jealousy, suspicion and distrust that can put a strain in your current relationship, so it is best to be clear with your ex that everything is already in the past and that you are serious with your current relationship. Comparing your current relationship with your previous relationships is also dangerous and damaging to your relationship. Children and issues from previous marriage can be challenging and can also affect your relationship so it important to know how to handle these things and make your current relationship work. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the failure to deal with your life’s issues and baggage.

Money issues. Financial issues is one of the reasons why relationships fail. If not addressed properly, money issues can kill your relationship. The stress brought by financial woes and struggles can eventually ruin a relationship. People or couples stressed with financial issues can become irritable, irrational, hostile and cold with their spouse or partner and these behaviors can slowly kill a relationship. It is best to be honest from the start about your financial status, be open to discuss each other’s spending habits, money sharing and expenses. With effective and open-minded communication, strategies and compromise about money, a financially challenged couple can work things out and can save their marriage.

Infidelity. Keeping a relationship between two people is hard enough but involving a third party or cheating a partner is a bomb that can instantly kill a relationship. Infidelity is the ultimate relationship destroyer and some relationships won’t be able to survive this. Betraying the trust of your partner is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. The feeling of being replaced or being betrayed is not easy to cope with and so the betrayed spouse or partner often walk out of the relationship. Although there are couples who were able to survive cheating and make the relationship work again, it is best to not to commit infidelity in the first place if you want a long-lasting relationship.

Disgusting behaviors and habits. Although it is true that loving someone includes accepting all his or her flaws, in reality there are habits that can become annoying over time and can push your partner to wake up one day and realize he or she wants to get out of the relationship. Even simple things like not putting back the toothpaste cap, not making the bed, not putting the soiled laundry in the laundry bin or leaving dirty shoes and socks around the house can be magnified if things are not going well in your relationship and these can trigger your partner to finally end the relationship. Nagging, being a war freak, fighting in public, humiliating your spouse or partner, name calling or cursing when arguing, holding on grudges, hitting your spouse or partner when you are angry, throwing things when arguing, too much or unreasonable jealousy, avoiding discussions about the issues in your relationship, lying or being dishonest with your spouse or partner are some of the bad behaviors that can damage a relationship and could lead to break-ups or divorce. Being in a relationship should teach couples to be better people and not become worse so it is better to change for the better to create a strong relationship than acquire unfavorable habits or behaviors that can eventually damage your relationship.

Things in your relationship becomes a routine. The fire and excitement in the relationship could die because you became too comfortable or complacent with each other that things become more of a routine than an act of love. You become more like siblings or friends than lovers. Being too comfortable with each other takes away the excitement and the romance in the relationship and it makes the relationship boring and a routine. When couples do the same things together over and over again, they stopped growing as an individual and as a partner. Break the routine and spice up your relationship. There are things and interests that you can do separately to grow as a person and there are things that you can do together to bond with each other. It is important to allow your spouse or partner to have his or her own space to do his or her own thing or enjoy the company of his or her friends but it is also important to have time alone with each other through regular dates or vacations to bond with each other and create new and exciting memories.

Lack of intimacy and sex. Life can become too busy and complicated that couples may end up too busy or stressed for intimacy or sex which is not a good thing in a relationship. Couples need to connect intimately emotionally and physically and the best thing to do it is through sex. Sex could dry up in a long-term relationship and couples tend to have less sex through the years. Couples should prevent this from happening. Lack of intimacy or sexual dissatisfaction is one of the reasons why relationships fail. When couples stop having sex, they tend to get disconnected and detached from each other and they become susceptible to infidelity. It is best for couples to maintain an active sex life to keep the connection and make the relationship more alive and exciting. Although it is important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner through regular sex, couples should know that it is not good to put pressure on your spouse or partner to engage in frequent sex. You don’t have to have sex everyday but there are studies saying that having regular sex once a week is ideal and enough to maintain that intimate connection between couples. There are many hindrances to accomplish this like stress at work, stress in everyday life, taking care of the children and the state where you are not in the mood for sex but like any other iss

The Core of Every Relationship: Communication and Trust

Two of the most important elements in any relationship are communication and trust. Open and honest communication allows individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. It helps avoid misunderstandings and builds a deeper emotional connection.

Trust, on the other hand, takes time to build and can be easily broken. When trust exists, individuals feel safe, respected, and valued. A strong foundation of trust allows relationships to endure challenges and grow stronger over time.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, support, and balance. Both parties feel heard, accepted, and encouraged to be themselves. In such relationships, boundaries are respected, and disagreements are handled maturely.

In contrast, unhealthy relationships may involve manipulation, control, dishonesty, or emotional abuse. One-sided effort, lack of respect, or fear-based behavior are signs that a relationship may be harmful. Recognizing these signs early is important for protecting one’s mental and emotional well-being.

The Role of Self-Awareness

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing your individuality. Self-awareness is crucial in maintaining healthy connections with others. When you understand your own needs, values, and emotions, you’re better equipped to communicate effectively and set healthy boundaries.

A strong relationship starts with a strong self. The more you know yourself, the more meaningful your relationships will be.

Growth Through Challenges

No relationship is perfect. Conflicts, misunderstandings, and hardships are inevitable. However, how we respond to these challenges often determines the strength of the bond. Working through difficulties together can deepen trust and create a greater sense of partnership.

It’s also important to recognize when a relationship is no longer serving either party. Ending a relationship, though painful, can sometimes be the healthiest choice for growth and healing.

Conclusion

Relationships are dynamic and ever-evolving. They require effort, empathy, and commitment. By fostering open communication, building trust, respecting boundaries, and maintaining self-awareness, we can create and sustain meaningful connections that enrich our lives.

Whether it’s a friend, partner, family member, or colleague, every relationship has the potential to teach us more about ourselves and others. Nurture the ones that bring out the best in you—and never underestimate the power of genuine human connection.